Photos above (from top): Tatay from baby to lolo, Tatay with his nanay (Lola Munding), Tatay carrying me, Tatay and I at a children's party, Tatay & I in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, Tatay's early years as an OFW in Riyadh.
Today - August 20, 2010 - is our beloved Tatay's 8th death anniversary. I remember that night very well. I was out since afternoon and for the first time, for reasons I didn't know what, I turned off my celfone (I never do that even inside the cinema). When I came home late that night I was met by my sister Leah who broke the news that Nanay, my other sister Nanette, my brother-in-law Josel and my brother Ramil rushed Tatay to the Polymedic Hospital (Victor R. Potenciano Medical Center) after Tatay asked them to due to something he felt wasn't right.
I immediately rushed to the hospital myself and when I reached the emergency section Tatay was already in very bad shape. They were already doing resuscitation efforts to revive him. Sadly, after several minutes, his heart finally stopped beating.
It was the first death in our very simple but happy family. To say that we were all devastated has got to be an understatement.
Below is the eulogy I wrote for Tatay and which I was supposed to deliver during mass on the night before his burial. Overcome by emotions, though, I wasn't able to do so. When our aunts and uncle (Tatay's sisters & brother) flew back to the US after the interrment I gave each of them a copy of the eulogy. I learned later that they read it during their flight and it really made them cry.
I'm posting it here in observance of our dear Tatay's 8th death anniversary. How time flies so quickly indeed. May God bless your soul 'Tay. We love you very much and miss you just as much.
UNREAD EULOGY OF A SON TO HIS FATHER
Ang huling paalam kay Tatay by Rhoel Raymundo Mendoza
People who know me well know that I love to read and write. People who know me best know that I took after Tatay as far as that is concerned. Kahit ang mga kapatid kong sina Leah, Nanette at Ramil, one way or the other, ay namana ang hilig na ‘yon ng Tatay either sa pagbabasa o pagsulat, or both. But I’m not here to talk about us. I’m here to talk about a simple, quiet, unassuming, but nevertheless sensitive and warm individual – the man most people call Rusty, siblings call Tiko, nephews and nieces call Tiyo Rusty, we – his children – lovingly call Tatay, and Nanay endearingly calls “D”.
Marami na po akong naisulat – mga essays, letters, dissertations, but never did I imagine myself writing a eulogy for Tatay, for I have always thought that Tatay – and Nanay for that matter – would outlive me, morbid as that thought may have been. Anyway, obviously I’m still here and Tatay is, sadly, gone. What I feared most I now have to do. Ito na po marahil ang pinakamahirap at pinakamasakit na pagsusulat na ginawa ko. However, masakit man sa kalooban kong isulat ito at basahin ay natutuwa na rin ako dahil sa pamamagitan nito ay maibabahagi ko sa inyo ang ilang mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa taong kalahati ng pinagkakautangan naming magkakapatid ng buhay.
Tatay is someone to whom roots is very important. Mahalaga sa kanya ang kanyang pinagmulan. Kaya nga there were times when he would poignantly recall his childhood days in Pandacan or his teenage years in Mandaluyong, particularly hereabouts, dito sa immediate vicinity ng San Felipe Neri, dito sa puso ng Mandaluyong which is more popularly referred to as Poblacion or Bayan. And speaking of heart, this is where Tatay’s heart is. He loved this place just as we, his family, do. Even when we moved to Barangay Mauway, doon sa may Shaw Boulevard malapit sa Crossing, lagi pa ring binibisita ng Tatay ang bayan. Dahil nandito ang mga lugar na nakawilihan niya, mga taong pamilyar sa kanya, mga kaibigang dito niya nakilala, at siyempre pa dahil dito sila nagkakilala at nagkaligawan ng Nanay. Ngayon mas nauunawaan niyo na kung bakit narito ang puso ng Tatay. That’s why when the time came for us to decide kung saan ibuburol ang Tatay, hindi na kami nagdalawang-isip. It had to be here. Alam naming ito ang makapagpapasaya sa Tatay – ang malapit sa pook at mga taong naging malaki at mahalagang bahagi ng kanyang buhay.
‘Tay, you are home.
What else will we remember Tatay for? Marami. Tulad ng hilig niya sa atis. Ang paborito niyang 4711 cologne na lagi niyang ibinibilin tuwing pabakasyon ako noon mula sa Saudi. Ang lagi niyang ibinibilin sa mga kapatid niya sa States na Just for Men – pang-itim ng bigote. Ang hilig niya sa panonood ng basketball at tennis. Ang pagtaya-taya niya sa lotto – naniniwala siya na ang umaayaw ay di nagwawagi. That is exactly what he said two days before he left us. Meron pa ngang nakitang lotto ticket ang Nanay sa wallet niya. Hanggang sa huling sandali, lotto aficionado talaga ang Tatay. We will remember him also for his fondness in solving Philippine Star’s crossword puzzle or any crossword puzzle na makita niya. Also his favorite expression “que barbaridad”, at ang paborito niyang sisig ng Lapid’s. Simple lang ang Tatay but when the situation calls for it, posturyoso siya, hanep sa porma so to speak, at very neat manamit.
But one thing that we, his family in particular, will never forget about him is his unique way of showing his love and affection for us. Tatay is not the demonstrative type of father. Kaya naman what he couldn’t show through physical gestures he does by other means – like cooking for us. How could Leah, for example, forget Tatay’s mouth-watering baked lapu-lapu with olive oil and mayonnaise? How could Nanette forget his strange concoctions, like shredded talong na nilamas sa asin at pinatakan ng Kikkoman, maalat pero masarap. Japanese salad daw ito. Or how could Ramil forget Tatay’s pancit or ginisang salmon? At pa’no ding malilimutan ng Nanay ang karneng giniling na nilalagyan ng Tatay ng spices na hindi malaman ng Nanay kung anu-ano? Ako, I remember he introduced us to the delicious world of cold cuts from Swiss Inn nung mga bata pa kami. Malaki talaga ang papel ng pagkain sa pamilya namin. Minsan nga naiisip ko, food is probably what really binds our family together. Nung nagsa-Saudi pa ang Tatay, every time he was home for vacation he would always treat us to a new restaurant, yung medyo mamahaling klase. Sabi niya kasi ayaw niyang lumaki kaming tanga sa magaganda’t sosyal na kainan. Buti na lang di kami naadik sa mga restaurants na ‘yon.
Cooking for us as his expression of love? Why not? We will definitely miss the scent of garlic fried rice as Tatay prepared breakfast for us on some mornings. We will always be reminded of him whenever we smell the aroma of brewed coffee which he loved so much. We will miss his odd but delicious recipes. We will miss him, period!
Exactly two weeks before his death, I joined the popular game show, Game Ka Na Ba? Si Tatay ang isinama ko sa taping. Ang nakakatawa, mas excited pa siya kaysa sa akin. On the day of the taping, mas maaga pa siyang nagbihis at panay ang pag-remind sa akin na baka ma-late kami. Dressed to kill pa siya non. How was I to know na ‘yon na pala ang huling pagkakataong magkakasama kaming dalawa sa paglabas? Ang daya mo ‘Tay, ‘di ba usapan natin sasali uli ako? Pa’no na ‘yan, sino na sasama sa akin para magbigay ng moral support? Sino papalakpak sa akin? At saka ‘di ba usapan natin hindi ako titigil hangga’t hindi ko nakukuha ang US trip showcase para sa inyo ng Nanay? Pa’no na ngayon ‘yan, you took a trip elsewhere? Anyway, I’m sure kung tatanungin ka ni Kris Aquino ng game ka na ba, ang isasagot mo ay game na! For that is definitely the mood that you are in right now – game na game na… to come face to face with your Creator. Diyan ‘Tay, siguradong ikaw ang win.
Isang bagay na hindi ko malilimutan sa Tatay ay ang pagiging tahimik niyang tao. Hindi ko malilimutan, kasi in that aspect we two are very much alike. People who don’t know him would think na suplado siya or cold or unaffected or insensitive. Pero sa labas lang ‘yon. Inside, Tatay is a warm person, you just really have to know him.
I am very proud of my Tatay. I’m proud of the fact that that he was able to give us a comfortable life. Hindi kami mayaman, maginhawa lang. I’m proud of the fact that he was once an OFW or overseas Filipino worker who sacrificed so much just for the sake of his family. I’m proud of the fact that, according to most people, I look like him, even sound like him, laugh like him, chuckle like him. At least ‘Tay hindi mo maipagkakailang anak mo ako. I’m proud of the fact that I’m his son. We’re proud of the fact that we are his children. But best of all, we are very proud of the fact that Rustico Margarito Castaneda Mendoza is our Tatay… our beloved Tatay.
‘Tay, we would like to think that we have been very good sons and daughters to you. As for myself, I think I have been a very good son, not perfect, just good. But the good son that I have been, I was remiss on one thing. And tonight I would like to make up for it with our family and all our relatives and friends as witnesses. Alam ko ‘Tay na naiparamdam ko naman kung gaano kita kamahal pero siyempre mas masarap yung naririnig. Kahit wala ka na, alam kong naririnig mo ‘ko ngayon and it’s not yet too late. Kaya ‘Tay, sorry… it has taken me quite a while to say… I love you very very much Tatay.
Mahal na mahal ka naming lahat and we will miss you. Hindi lamang kaming pamilya mo, kundi pati na sina Tita Citang, Tita Menie, Tita Ce, Tita Ely, Tita Del at Tito Roger at ang mga mahal mong pamangkin at apo. We love you very very much ‘Tay, alam naming maligaya ka sa kinaroroonan mo ngayon.
Huwag kang mag-alala, hindi ko pababayaan ang Nanay, sina Leah, Nanette, Ramil, Josel at Sam. Pero ‘Tay, tulungan mo po ako. Give me the strength to see our family through.
Rest well, Tatay, magpahinga na po kayo. Good night. God bless. We love you.
Whenever a person is to "leave this earth" there certainly is a premonition that at the time it happens we dismiss it as just one of those things, only to realize later that it was a sign that someone will soon "depart". Just before Tatay passed away, for reasons only he knew what, he tore off the August page of our calendar. This we learned much later.
